Gone
by shelly99
Summary: Rogue's thoughts on Bobby and John. A few spoilers, you have been warned.


**Disclaimers:  Not mine.  If it was mine, I wouldn't be in the military right now.**

**A/N: Just a quick little something that popped into my head while I was bored one night.  If you like it, review.  If you hate it, review.  It's my first X-Men story, so please be kind.**

            It isn't easy being attracted to two boys, especially when they're best friends.  And especially when you're a mutant.

            My real name is Marie, but everyone calls me Rogue, which suits me just fine.  I ran away from home after I put the first boy I'd ever kissed in a coma.  I couldn't stay and face everyone after that.  I knew what they all thought of me: freak.

            I met Logan in Alaska.  That's where we got attacked by Sabretooth and rescued by the X-men.  We were taken to Professor X's school.  I like it here.  Everyone here is just as strange as I am.  It's kind of comforting..

            This is where I met bobby and john, the cause of my dilemma.  In my very first class, they both tried to impress me.  John showed me his pyrotechnic abilities, while bobby made a rose out of ice.  I guess I'm a romantic at heart because it won me over.

            We started dating, and john became one of my best friends.  He didn't have many friends to begin with, so finding them in me and bobby was a first from him.

            John Allerdyce is a hard person to like and an even harder person to get to know.  But I think that's why I like him, he's just as closed off as I can be a lot of the time.

            Bobby's his exact opposite.  He's easy going and laidback, always has a ton of friends and everyone likes him.  He brings out the best in me, he makes me want to be a better person.  

            That's where my is, you see.  They both have qualities that pull me to them, and even though I'm with bobby, I feel like I'm missing some important part of me.

            John never acted any different towards either of us of us when bobby and I got together.  Sure he'd make snide comments here and there about our relationship, but I knew he wasn't jealous.  John's rude, it's just the way he is.  I liked the way it was.  The three of us just hanging out and acting like _normal_ teenagers.

            Then everything changed.  Logan came back after a past-seeking mission to find himself and the school was attacked.  Bobby, john, and I escaped with Logan to bobby's house.

            Bobby kissed me for the first time in his bedroom.  It was the only time I'd let him, even now after everything that has happened.  He'd been trying for weeks, but I wouldn't let him.  I was too afraid of hurting him.  He was too important to me.  

            The kiss was great, but I got too involved and took too much of his energy, but it didn't seem to bother him.  He still liked me.  But there was something underneath it I never knew existed without seeing for myself.  Bobby lusted after me.  I mean, lusted after me in a way that was kind of exciting.  His ideal fantasy was him keeping me in bed for days without any food, just me for the main course.  Just thinking about it now sends shivers down my spine.

            We weren't at his parents for very long when we were attacked.  Logan was on the ground, hurt, and we didn't know what else to do.  Bobby and I got down on the floor like the cops told us to, but John didn't.

            I can't say was surprised, because I wasn't.  John never does as he's told.  He attacked the cops, destroying all their cars, almost killing them.  I couldn't let that happen.  I couldn't let John be a murderer, so I stopped him.

            I touched him and used his own powers to put out the flames.  When we were finally up in the air and away from danger, I tried to calm down because he was everywhere in me.  I could see flashbacks of his own troubled family life, his father left, his own mother hated him for what he who he was.  I felt so bad for the little boy that he was once.  It wasn't easy trying to sort out my own thoughts from his.  And then I stumbled onto something I never knew, much less even thought about before.

            John loved me.  And not just in a good friend sort of way.  He was _in_ love with me.  And the reason he attacked those cops wasn't because he hated them and wanted them to hurt, he did it to save me, to make sure I didn't end up like Logan.  He was a little jealous of bobby, but he wasn't about to ruin a friendship over something he was sure was going to go away soon.  He hoped very soon.

            John was confused.  He didn't want to love me because he wasn't used to being attached or having such strong feelings for just _one_ person.  

            He did want to because I kept him in check, made him better than he thought he was or could ever be.

            And he knew I knew.  I saw the look on his face as we headed to the plane.  He seemed haunted and very unsure, as if I did something horribly wrong to him.  He didn't see I had no other choice.  He thought I was taking Bobby's side.

            I couldn't look at him after that.  And not because I was ashamed (I was very flattered, thank you very much) or afraid like I know you're thinking, but because I didn't know how to act around him.  I cared about him a lot, but I wasn't sure if I felt anything more.

            He left me and Bobby after we got to Alaska.  I thought he was just going to go into the compound to try and help, but he never came back.  And when Jean said he was with Magneto, I knew he was gone for good.

            It hurt.  It hurt in a way I didn't know was possible.  He was my best friend and he left me.  He didn't even say good-bye.  I felt like someone had ripped a part of me out and tossed it aside, leaving me alone and shaking.

            And then Jean was gone, so it was a bad double blow.  I didn't talk to anyone for a few days, not even Bobby.  He didn't notice.  He was in his own state of mourning.  He didn't have to tell me he felt betrayed, I could see it in his eyes every time he looked at me.

            And the more time I spent thinking about John, the more guilty I felt.  Because when you're in love, you should be in love with the one you're with.  You're not supposed to be in love with his best friend.

            And he was gone.


End file.
